I'm afraid that she does have feelings for me and that it can't possibly materialize. Why is that? Do I find her unattractive? No, but I have physical standards for physical beauty, which makes me a hypocrite. But it also makes me a human being. You can't force something, right? I just don't want to hurt my friend. It took me some time but I think I feel some of those god awful feelings she had down in the pit of her throat. It feels like it doesn't belong at all and that a stone weighs heavy upon my heart. But what does she feel?

Damn my ancestors' genes. But humans more just than I desire and conquer so much more than I. Well. We shall see how things turn out. I do remember my afterthoughts during this past summer and how I conceded not facts. We are compatible. I think I was upset because he would not change. But I was somewhat glad because I was right about how they were incompatible because of the fact. So - what now? I thought this possibility 3/4 of a year before and now here we stand. I don't want there to be bad blood betwixt us. And I don't want to lose a friend. It is chemistry and time that prevents relationships from being static, yes? No. I've been used to static relationships for so long.

She doesn't believe I know. This past Saturday, I will admit it - I did not know. But I feel almost unworthy of her. And I don't know how I feel about her. She is a close friend. She is my constant. But could she ever be a lover? I shouldn't be the one asking this question. It's all very complicated, I'm sure. And yet, it's so simple. There's nothing to it. I don't want her to suffer. There's only one way to stop it. Is there anyone else in my heart? No, not at all. Will there ever be another time (because things like this take time)?