April 28 to now. 36 days into a relationship. And I do not wonder how different life would be if I had returned home. But maybe I do. Bujing would have loved me from afar while I smoldered. I would have been home for my grandpa - and there is something I do not understand. Why no service? Is it that the family would have no energy so that they would and could appear lame? I fear everything. We shame ourselves. And I can do nothing whilst I am here. Someday I will return then.